Were back!

Well its been a long week, but I survived without breaking any more bones! As it was our first time in Beijing, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. It was learning the very hard way. Almost everything we did hit trouble at some point or other, but we did pretty much everything we wanted to and more (minus the little con incident!).

I took quite a lot of photos and given the fact that I am incredibly lazy, I have simply uploaded them all at once onto the internet CLICK HERE. For the people out there who aren't as computer wise as others (Hi mam and dad), simply click the link, then you can either browse each photo one by one, or click on the 'View Slideshow' button, sit back and let the computer show you all the photos. It's a walk in the park.

A nice little adventure.

Ok, day one has gone and I have a great little story to tell you. Sorry it's long, but i'you will like it!

Charlie, Brock and I decided to have a walk round to the Forbidden City and that area. We were told that because it is the Chinese National Holiday, there will be millions of people - quite a sight. So off we went.

After walking for about an hour, in heavy crowds, I turnied round to see Charlie was chatting to a Chinese girl. This is a common occurence for all of us, they just come up to you, ask if your English and ask if they can practice their English. This girl was called Efan, spoke really good English and was a teacher from Mongolia. We chatted for a while, about her family etc, whilst we walked closer and closer to Tianammen Square (spelling!?).

When we got there finally, we were still with Efan, she was just pottering about and we were taking lots of photos. She wasn't a guide trying to rip us off, as we had suspected. It was really quite handy. After looking round, we talked about what we want to do next and decided with the help of Efan to go to the Hutong district, the older part of Beijing.

On the way, we stopped off for ice cream at McDonalds. By this time, we had been out and about for about three hours. We then headed off for the short walk to the Hutoing district. When we got there, we told Efan that we just wanted to walk around, have a browse about. She had mentioned going to a Tea House and we had jumped at the idea - it was scorching hot and could kill for a cuppa!

After a while, she asked if we fancied going in this tea shop, yeah we thought, why not. Inside it was great, very old, nice smelling and friendly. We were taken to a room, just for us four and a hostess. For the next hour, we sampled (by sampled I mean got a slight drop of) six types of tea. We had a plate of peanuts for a snack. It was very refreshing and we were over the moon. The hostess would speak in Chinese and Efan would translate. Anyhow, after a bit, we asked for the bill. She left, and returned with a bill for 2,500 Yuan. Tbat is equivalent to the entire amount I brought myself for the entire week. About 600 Yuan each, or 40 quid.

Gobsmacked, we couldnt understand how. When asked, it broke down to 200 Yuan for the room, 50 Yuan for snacks each and 80 Yuan per person for every type of tea tried. Blimey.

I didn't have enough, so had to pay with my card. Charlie and Brock tried to pay with their card, but they wouldnt accept them, so paid with every last Yuan they had on them. Efan had 500 Yuan, so we had to give her 80 Yuan. We felt so bad, she was literally penniless then. As a gift, to make us feel better, they gave us each a half decent tea pot.

After leaving, Efan was very appologetic. But we comforted her that it wasnt her fault, 40 quid each wasnt the end of the world, lets not let it spoil Beijing. So she asked what we wanted to do now. Moneyless, we asked to just potter about and look in the shops etc. A short way away, she showed us a 300 year old pharmacy. Nothing special, but just the kind of place we needed to go following our spending spree!

After looking round for about two minutes, I turned round. Charlie and Brock we walking fast over to a side entrance. They looked to be with two other white lads. I tried to find Efan, but could not see her. As I got closer, I noticed the side doors were shut, with a few Army officers on the other side not letting Charlie and co out. They were holding very big guns! 30 second later they were gone. As was Efan it turned out. What the hell is going on? I ask - One of the lads said that he was stopping us from going into a Tea House to be robbed and he spotted the girl who had done the same to them yesterday. What? I couldnt get my hungover head around this.

Turns out that Efan, who we had spent the last 3 to 4 hours with and got on with really well, actually had something to do with the Tea House. A bit like an agent. By taking unsuspecting westerners round all day, they get them stung with a huge bill for a few cups of tea. We were in a dodgy area of Beijing, extremely busy, with no idea who was who. Never before have I wanted to hit a person so much in my life. Efan was long gone. Now we realised, things that had occured in the last few hours made much more sense. Such as being told we could not take photos in the Tea House and many more.

The lads who helped us had to go, so Charlie and I decided to go back and see if we could get some money back. We went up the stairs, Charlie did the talking and I watched around as everybody started to act very suspiciously. The manager giggled when we said she knew the girl, we had bloody photos we could show her that we had taken that day! After 20mins of shouting, she agreed to give us one persons cash back. But told us to feel free to phone the police, they wont do anything. At this time, Brock came up with eight policemen who just happened to have been raiding the Tea Shop next door. Shaking their hands and making sure they were policemen, we were taken to a small room, and asked to sit opposite them. Us three, in a closed room, with eight men drinking the very same tea we were arguing about, a manager speaking very threateningly to us and soon the owner lady to start shouting in Chinese. Lets just say I have felt more comfortable in my life before!

After much negotiation, the policemen knew it was a con and the owner agreed to give us 800 Yuan back. We took it. Instantly we were motioned to get out. The old woman was snarling at us, workers were running about like ants and there were a few dodgy looking guys about downstairs. We left, knowing we were no were near home and with a bunch of angry Chinese people not happy with us at the Tea Shop. We walked incredibly quickly through the streets, not seeing any other westerners the entire time. About 5 minutes later we finally dived in a taxi and drove quickly away from there.

I had to cancel my card and we are now suspicious of everyone we see. Don't say you wouldn't have gone in the tea shop, or that once in you wouldn't have paid. You would have. The fear of the consequences of not paying would have made you. Plus the fact that we had NO idea at that time that Efan was in on the game.

So far, Beijing has proven interesting to say the least. I'm off out for day, hopefully I wont be updating this blog tommorow!This is a photo of Brock and I, fully unaware that in about an hours time I shall have a lot less cash in my pocket!

Off to Beijing

Well were finally getting to do some real 'traveling'. Even though it is to the nearest big city - Beijing. We have to get a train for three hours, two and a half hours of which has to be spent standing. I can't wait for that delightful joy. Anyway, we are going tommorow and wont be back till next Saturday night. At which point I will undoubtedly have many stories of my misfortunes to tell and photos to prove it happened. So stay tuned!

Best quotes 2

These are all toe related unsuprisingly. Firstly, just as I was sat in the lounge area of the swimming pool, waiting for our minders to arrive and with my foot stretched out infront of me a chinese bloke walks over and sits opposite me. After looking at me for about 30 seconds as if I had just deficated on his doorstep, he then says to me in quite clear English - "I do not think you are a gentleman". I had been sat there for about 45 minutes by this time and was a little ratty to say the least. "What?" I asked. "You are not a gentleman, barefoot". If I knew the chinese for this foot will soon be shoved right up your a*** I would certainly have told him so.

The second quote that has tickled me was actually said to Sandy, our minder. A teacher from our school came up to her and asked quite worryingly - "Why Sandy, do you employ disabled teachers?".

In a similar fashion, Brock was talking to some of his students about going to Beijing during the holidays. After telling them he was going with his fellow foreign teachers, naming us all, one child pipes up and asks - "Which one is the tall white guy with the limp?".

I must admit I was far more comfortable just being the wierd lanky white guy.

The local Night Market + Popcorn!

There must be hundreds like it, just in our city alone. We reckon that they are the main source of food and drink for the vast majority of the locals. Right near our appartment there is a little night market. A dimly lit road with many stalls selling everything from fresh tomatoes to full joints of meat. As ever, the prices are ludicrously low. Charlie and I decided to have a wander out tonight, armed with a bottle of the local beer, costing a little over 10p.

The highlight of the night though, is a trip to the popcorn man. For 3.5Yuan, or about 20p, this happens -

He takes some corn. You then pick your flavour, out of things like butter, sugar, caramel sauce and serbet. He then puts the corn and the toppings in a big metal machine, that stirs it for about 2 minutes. He then pours the nicely popped corn out, gives it a shake, and puts it in the bag. As you can see, you get lots and lots. Entirely fresh, red hot and smelling amazing. if you are a fan of popcorn, you would be in heaven trying this stuff!

Thankyou - Harry Potter!

Stuck with the problem of what to teach this week, plus the fact that during the time I had set aside to plan my lesson I was sat in some dodgy hospital messing around with my toe, I decided to opt for the safe route - play a video. So, what video should I choose? The little angels will not sit still and quiet for more than 2 minutes and constantly con me into believing they understand me clearly when I know deep down they have no idea what the mad lanky Englishman is spitting at them. So, I opted for Harry Potter. Clean, non-offensive and appealing to all (Other than me, which is now a problem as I have to watch the first 40 minutes of the film 24 times this week!).

Anyway, on went the film. Now if you can imagine, i'm playing this movie through my laptop, which is powered by a hamster on a running wheel and has two little tins of baked beans for speakers. Yet, somehow, 35 students at a time sat in complete silence. Laughed at the obvious jokes, gasped at the bad guys and even laughed at some made up magic words that I couldn't understand for love nor money. It was unbelievable. I sat there reading a book, in peace and they listened to the dvd in English with Chinese subtitles (my way of kidding myself into believing im teaching them something!). Not a word was spoken.

Well, if my maths is correct and im rightly told that the films are about 2 hours long - thats at least three lessons worth of material right there. Plus the lesson i'll be able to teach on reviewing what they have watched. This teaching lark is easy, pass me my book!

It took me 29 days

Well, I nearly lasted a month. But yesterday, 29 days after arriving in China, I saw the inside of a Hospital. After a day of swimming in the City waterpark with Charlie, as I walked around the pool, I stubbed my toe on a raised bit of the floor. I fell flat on my face, but quickly got up and walked off to try and save what little bit of pride I had left. I even went swimming a bit more. But when I got out, I could hardly walk.

Some attendant took me to the Pool Doctor, who prodded it like a piece of turd, then sprayed deep heat on it and told me I would need an X-Ray. I phoned Sandy, our minder, whose response was 'is it serious?'. My leg was still attatched to my body I told her, but I dont think she heard. So she and Mr Dong came to the pool. It then took them about 40 minutes to decide that maybe I should go to the hospital. Although Sandy was still insistant that it wasnt serious, I shouldn't go to the hospital and that it was my fault.

It was only an hour later and when I had photographic evidence in my hand to show her that it was broke did she stop telling me we needn't be here! Anyway, I think it is only a hairline fracture, from what I could see of the X-ray, as the Doctors couldnt tell me in English. Thats just my expert medical opinion. I now have another plaster cast on my foot, the other foot this time, which has to stay on for four weeks apparently. Perfect timing to coincide with our planned trip to Beijing next week. Stokes luck strikes again.

Here are the X-rays they took. On the second one, I have circled where you can just, almost, about make out the small crack. See, i'm not just trying to get the sympathy vote!

"I'm not drinking this weekend"

Those were the words to that left Charlies mouth many a time this week. "No drink for me", "I'm having a week off". Well the photos above prove that was not the case. The Scotland Bar took the levels of wierdness to entirely new heights. Other than the name, it was about as scottish as I am. It was Renee's birthday (the girl with the hat on!). She is a friend of the Americans, so along with her boyfriend - Wallace, we hit the town. I vaguely remember playing football with Charlie in the street at 3:00a.m, but everything else is a blur. I was supposed to ring my mam as I havent spoke to her all week. But I hadn't intended on drinking as much and when I got home I couldnt work the phone card or remember how to log on to the internet. So I fell asleep on the couch. Oops. Sorry mam!

The joys of teaching

This week I have been trying to get the students to write a personal statement to the University of their choice in England. After teaching them about Secondary School, College and University last week and writing a draft statement on the board, this was a very easy task for them to do. I decided to play music quietly in the background, as they all seemed to want this. So I opted for James Blunt - English, relaxing and non-offensive. Perfect. For the last lesson this week, I also brought in a bag of lollys as a treat for working well last week. Nothing could go wrong?

In the last lesson of the week, I sat back, looked at the class and thought to myself - 'what a great lesson, im a natural at this!'. I even started singing in my head, listeing to the music for the first time. This is when things started to get funny. Me humming in my head -

" Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
f***ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end."

Oops. 600 students and I dont think one of them heard it, hopefully. But this was just the start. Next it was time to give them their lollys before the end of lesson. It was only after I handed them out that I realised that all of the lollys had bloody whistles on the end. WHISTLES. 35 students excited by listening to music with a whistle in their mouth. The result was horrible. The bell went and they left, all whistling merrily down the corridor. I imagine their next teacher is going to hate me.

Just when I thought it couldnt get any more bizare, I read one of the students letters. If you can imagine, I have read and marked about 570 so far, and they are all pretty much the same. Then I read this one. I'll introduce him first, his name is Legolas. That's right, Legolas! I asked them all to write a little introduction, then a bit about their hobbies and then their past education (as if they had been taught in England). -

Dear Mr Stokes,

My name is Legolas. I have no age because I am an elf, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.

My hobbies are shooting arrows and killing talons and the fangs of the dark lord sauraon.

I am currently studying at college for my A Levels. I do the Lord of the Rings. How to destroy the lord of the rings, and the short comings of Sauron. I chose this subject because of Frodo, Sam and Aragon.

At Secondary School, I did G.C.S.E's (Gabfect of Curbing Saurons Eagerness) in fighting and psychology (how to be ridden of the rings).

I have nothing more to say. I must finish my task first, that is all.

Thankyou for reading my letter.

Yours

Legolas

I have nothing more to say. What can I do with that? Give him good marks for knowing you do G.C.S.E's at Secondary School? I think I will wait till he has finished his task. Im off for a beer to try and wake myself up from the most ridiculous lesson I have had so far!

6000 Students!

This was in the first week, but I am posting it now as I have uploaded a video, so you can see quite how many students there were. All the foreign teachers were asked to do a quick introduction at the schools opening assembly. We were instantly petrified. It was exceptionally wierd seeing 6000 chinese school children staring at you, so it was a huge relief that we did not have to speak in the end. You can see from the pictures quite how many there were, but the video is even better!

You can take the hooligans out of England, but....

Following our delightful meal, our group merrily departed from the restaurant. 'Ah' we thought, 'what a thoroughly fine meal for a group of sophisticated teachers'. 'Why, we shall have to go for a gentle stroll to...... wait, hang on a minute, are they cannons???!!!'.

Students living conditions

As you can see from the pictures I posted earlier, our appartments are very nice and much better than we expected. However, I have complained about quite a few things that weren't quite up to my expectations. Any problems have been sorted quickly and without fuss. You will understand how bad I now feel when we were shown the students accomodation. Eight students to a room and what you see is what you get. We had interrupted their rest period, a chance to get some sleep during their 13 or 14 hour days and yet they were still over the moon to give us a tour.

Help with lunch

To try and diversify our range of different meals that we eat, we thought it would be a good idea to take some students for lunch. It worked a treat and now we have two more dishes that we all like. The students are in one of my classes and are called Hunter and David. In the group photo, the names are - Brock, Hunter, Kristina, Becky, me, Meredith and David.

Dumplings for tea

We have found that we all really like dumplings. Sandy reccommended this restaurant to us and for good reasons. We ordered egg 'n' tomato and pork 'n' shallot dumplings which were very nice indeed. But my favourite has to be the deep fried prawns we got (or shrimp as our american friends will tell me it is correctlycalled). Uncle Kev would love the sea food that the restaurants serve.




Just to prove I can actually use chop-sticks! The second picture clearly shows my skinny geek arm stretching for a dumpling with chop-sticks. I never thought i'd see the day.

Our hangover place!

Following our regular drinking sessions, we like nothing more than heading to UBC Coffee. It does the best coffee I have been able to find anywhere so far and most importantly, it does western food. Which is essential when you not exactly feeling on top of the world. The only problem being that no matter what you order, or think you are ordering, it is not what you will end up eating. Our first request was for a meat and egg pizza- this turned out to be bacon and eggs which we were over the moon with. The photos above show us trying to order some kind of hash brown - a plate of fries ensued. Its not a complaint, its all lovely - but that is my attempt to try and explain the dozy look on my face!




Charlie felt in an artistic mood this morning, probably due to the 20 cans he had the night before!