Off to Beijing

Well were finally getting to do some real 'traveling'. Even though it is to the nearest big city - Beijing. We have to get a train for three hours, two and a half hours of which has to be spent standing. I can't wait for that delightful joy. Anyway, we are going tommorow and wont be back till next Saturday night. At which point I will undoubtedly have many stories of my misfortunes to tell and photos to prove it happened. So stay tuned!

Best quotes 2

These are all toe related unsuprisingly. Firstly, just as I was sat in the lounge area of the swimming pool, waiting for our minders to arrive and with my foot stretched out infront of me a chinese bloke walks over and sits opposite me. After looking at me for about 30 seconds as if I had just deficated on his doorstep, he then says to me in quite clear English - "I do not think you are a gentleman". I had been sat there for about 45 minutes by this time and was a little ratty to say the least. "What?" I asked. "You are not a gentleman, barefoot". If I knew the chinese for this foot will soon be shoved right up your a*** I would certainly have told him so.

The second quote that has tickled me was actually said to Sandy, our minder. A teacher from our school came up to her and asked quite worryingly - "Why Sandy, do you employ disabled teachers?".

In a similar fashion, Brock was talking to some of his students about going to Beijing during the holidays. After telling them he was going with his fellow foreign teachers, naming us all, one child pipes up and asks - "Which one is the tall white guy with the limp?".

I must admit I was far more comfortable just being the wierd lanky white guy.

The local Night Market + Popcorn!

There must be hundreds like it, just in our city alone. We reckon that they are the main source of food and drink for the vast majority of the locals. Right near our appartment there is a little night market. A dimly lit road with many stalls selling everything from fresh tomatoes to full joints of meat. As ever, the prices are ludicrously low. Charlie and I decided to have a wander out tonight, armed with a bottle of the local beer, costing a little over 10p.

The highlight of the night though, is a trip to the popcorn man. For 3.5Yuan, or about 20p, this happens -

He takes some corn. You then pick your flavour, out of things like butter, sugar, caramel sauce and serbet. He then puts the corn and the toppings in a big metal machine, that stirs it for about 2 minutes. He then pours the nicely popped corn out, gives it a shake, and puts it in the bag. As you can see, you get lots and lots. Entirely fresh, red hot and smelling amazing. if you are a fan of popcorn, you would be in heaven trying this stuff!

Thankyou - Harry Potter!

Stuck with the problem of what to teach this week, plus the fact that during the time I had set aside to plan my lesson I was sat in some dodgy hospital messing around with my toe, I decided to opt for the safe route - play a video. So, what video should I choose? The little angels will not sit still and quiet for more than 2 minutes and constantly con me into believing they understand me clearly when I know deep down they have no idea what the mad lanky Englishman is spitting at them. So, I opted for Harry Potter. Clean, non-offensive and appealing to all (Other than me, which is now a problem as I have to watch the first 40 minutes of the film 24 times this week!).

Anyway, on went the film. Now if you can imagine, i'm playing this movie through my laptop, which is powered by a hamster on a running wheel and has two little tins of baked beans for speakers. Yet, somehow, 35 students at a time sat in complete silence. Laughed at the obvious jokes, gasped at the bad guys and even laughed at some made up magic words that I couldn't understand for love nor money. It was unbelievable. I sat there reading a book, in peace and they listened to the dvd in English with Chinese subtitles (my way of kidding myself into believing im teaching them something!). Not a word was spoken.

Well, if my maths is correct and im rightly told that the films are about 2 hours long - thats at least three lessons worth of material right there. Plus the lesson i'll be able to teach on reviewing what they have watched. This teaching lark is easy, pass me my book!

It took me 29 days

Well, I nearly lasted a month. But yesterday, 29 days after arriving in China, I saw the inside of a Hospital. After a day of swimming in the City waterpark with Charlie, as I walked around the pool, I stubbed my toe on a raised bit of the floor. I fell flat on my face, but quickly got up and walked off to try and save what little bit of pride I had left. I even went swimming a bit more. But when I got out, I could hardly walk.

Some attendant took me to the Pool Doctor, who prodded it like a piece of turd, then sprayed deep heat on it and told me I would need an X-Ray. I phoned Sandy, our minder, whose response was 'is it serious?'. My leg was still attatched to my body I told her, but I dont think she heard. So she and Mr Dong came to the pool. It then took them about 40 minutes to decide that maybe I should go to the hospital. Although Sandy was still insistant that it wasnt serious, I shouldn't go to the hospital and that it was my fault.

It was only an hour later and when I had photographic evidence in my hand to show her that it was broke did she stop telling me we needn't be here! Anyway, I think it is only a hairline fracture, from what I could see of the X-ray, as the Doctors couldnt tell me in English. Thats just my expert medical opinion. I now have another plaster cast on my foot, the other foot this time, which has to stay on for four weeks apparently. Perfect timing to coincide with our planned trip to Beijing next week. Stokes luck strikes again.

Here are the X-rays they took. On the second one, I have circled where you can just, almost, about make out the small crack. See, i'm not just trying to get the sympathy vote!

"I'm not drinking this weekend"

Those were the words to that left Charlies mouth many a time this week. "No drink for me", "I'm having a week off". Well the photos above prove that was not the case. The Scotland Bar took the levels of wierdness to entirely new heights. Other than the name, it was about as scottish as I am. It was Renee's birthday (the girl with the hat on!). She is a friend of the Americans, so along with her boyfriend - Wallace, we hit the town. I vaguely remember playing football with Charlie in the street at 3:00a.m, but everything else is a blur. I was supposed to ring my mam as I havent spoke to her all week. But I hadn't intended on drinking as much and when I got home I couldnt work the phone card or remember how to log on to the internet. So I fell asleep on the couch. Oops. Sorry mam!

The joys of teaching

This week I have been trying to get the students to write a personal statement to the University of their choice in England. After teaching them about Secondary School, College and University last week and writing a draft statement on the board, this was a very easy task for them to do. I decided to play music quietly in the background, as they all seemed to want this. So I opted for James Blunt - English, relaxing and non-offensive. Perfect. For the last lesson this week, I also brought in a bag of lollys as a treat for working well last week. Nothing could go wrong?

In the last lesson of the week, I sat back, looked at the class and thought to myself - 'what a great lesson, im a natural at this!'. I even started singing in my head, listeing to the music for the first time. This is when things started to get funny. Me humming in my head -

" Yeah, she caught my eye,
As I walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
f***ing high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end."

Oops. 600 students and I dont think one of them heard it, hopefully. But this was just the start. Next it was time to give them their lollys before the end of lesson. It was only after I handed them out that I realised that all of the lollys had bloody whistles on the end. WHISTLES. 35 students excited by listening to music with a whistle in their mouth. The result was horrible. The bell went and they left, all whistling merrily down the corridor. I imagine their next teacher is going to hate me.

Just when I thought it couldnt get any more bizare, I read one of the students letters. If you can imagine, I have read and marked about 570 so far, and they are all pretty much the same. Then I read this one. I'll introduce him first, his name is Legolas. That's right, Legolas! I asked them all to write a little introduction, then a bit about their hobbies and then their past education (as if they had been taught in England). -

Dear Mr Stokes,

My name is Legolas. I have no age because I am an elf, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.

My hobbies are shooting arrows and killing talons and the fangs of the dark lord sauraon.

I am currently studying at college for my A Levels. I do the Lord of the Rings. How to destroy the lord of the rings, and the short comings of Sauron. I chose this subject because of Frodo, Sam and Aragon.

At Secondary School, I did G.C.S.E's (Gabfect of Curbing Saurons Eagerness) in fighting and psychology (how to be ridden of the rings).

I have nothing more to say. I must finish my task first, that is all.

Thankyou for reading my letter.

Yours

Legolas

I have nothing more to say. What can I do with that? Give him good marks for knowing you do G.C.S.E's at Secondary School? I think I will wait till he has finished his task. Im off for a beer to try and wake myself up from the most ridiculous lesson I have had so far!

6000 Students!

This was in the first week, but I am posting it now as I have uploaded a video, so you can see quite how many students there were. All the foreign teachers were asked to do a quick introduction at the schools opening assembly. We were instantly petrified. It was exceptionally wierd seeing 6000 chinese school children staring at you, so it was a huge relief that we did not have to speak in the end. You can see from the pictures quite how many there were, but the video is even better!

You can take the hooligans out of England, but....

Following our delightful meal, our group merrily departed from the restaurant. 'Ah' we thought, 'what a thoroughly fine meal for a group of sophisticated teachers'. 'Why, we shall have to go for a gentle stroll to...... wait, hang on a minute, are they cannons???!!!'.

Students living conditions

As you can see from the pictures I posted earlier, our appartments are very nice and much better than we expected. However, I have complained about quite a few things that weren't quite up to my expectations. Any problems have been sorted quickly and without fuss. You will understand how bad I now feel when we were shown the students accomodation. Eight students to a room and what you see is what you get. We had interrupted their rest period, a chance to get some sleep during their 13 or 14 hour days and yet they were still over the moon to give us a tour.

Help with lunch

To try and diversify our range of different meals that we eat, we thought it would be a good idea to take some students for lunch. It worked a treat and now we have two more dishes that we all like. The students are in one of my classes and are called Hunter and David. In the group photo, the names are - Brock, Hunter, Kristina, Becky, me, Meredith and David.

Dumplings for tea

We have found that we all really like dumplings. Sandy reccommended this restaurant to us and for good reasons. We ordered egg 'n' tomato and pork 'n' shallot dumplings which were very nice indeed. But my favourite has to be the deep fried prawns we got (or shrimp as our american friends will tell me it is correctlycalled). Uncle Kev would love the sea food that the restaurants serve.




Just to prove I can actually use chop-sticks! The second picture clearly shows my skinny geek arm stretching for a dumpling with chop-sticks. I never thought i'd see the day.

Our hangover place!

Following our regular drinking sessions, we like nothing more than heading to UBC Coffee. It does the best coffee I have been able to find anywhere so far and most importantly, it does western food. Which is essential when you not exactly feeling on top of the world. The only problem being that no matter what you order, or think you are ordering, it is not what you will end up eating. Our first request was for a meat and egg pizza- this turned out to be bacon and eggs which we were over the moon with. The photos above show us trying to order some kind of hash brown - a plate of fries ensued. Its not a complaint, its all lovely - but that is my attempt to try and explain the dozy look on my face!




Charlie felt in an artistic mood this morning, probably due to the 20 cans he had the night before!